Duck Duck Cougar?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I have feelings that need drinking.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
