you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
