He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
