Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
