Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I am available for nakedness
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
