Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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