Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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