Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
she told me i tasted like america
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
