I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
