sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
