Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
