We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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