And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
