i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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