His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
