my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
