I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
