the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
