The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
