Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
