This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
