He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
All the doctor said was why
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
