We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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