I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
