whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
