wat bout pragnant strippers??
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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