Umm I'm too high to move.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
