the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
