matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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