I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
