The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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