If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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