I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
