if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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