i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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