At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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