NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
