did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
