so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Randomize
