I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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