He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
