We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
