Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
