we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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