Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
