I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
