I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Randomize
