fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
