i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
