yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I need to stop coming to work sober
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize