What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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