Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
