I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
