I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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