Define "chronic" masturbator.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
