I like to think it a success when the cops are called
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
