His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
