the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
