I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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