Apparently you make a good broom.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize