Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
What drink are we having for lunch?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
