I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
