Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
