Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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