Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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