I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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