We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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