why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
