Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
