i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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