I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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