my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
