I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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